Why?!

Reading through Job 10-14 today, and it is so interesting.  You've got Job, who is suffering because God wants to prove Satan wrong.  But Job does not know that.  So, he questions God.  He doesn't doubt God, or accuse God of anything wrong.  But he passionately, desperately questions God.  WHY are you doing this?  What have I done that you would do this?

His friends keep telling him if he will turn to God and seek help, it will all end.  It's his faith that is the problem.  But Job won't hear it.  He tells them it is always easy to judge other people's trials and faith when things are going well for you.  That is so true.  I am so often guilty of it, especially people I respect and hold too high.  I think they are better than me, so when they struggle, I begin to get mad and tear them down.  But I never consider what might actually be happening in their life at the time.

Sometimes hard things happen to us simply because God wants to use them for something, and He doesn't tell us what that something is.  We can ask, we can wonder, we can be unsure.  But we still need to have faith in Him.  The situation may make no sense, and God may not answer our questions, but we need to trust Him.  He is worth that risk.

What are you facing right now that doesn't make sense?  Can you still trust God in the middle of it?  Or is there someone struggling nearby that is disappointing you?  Will you give room for God to work in their life, without feeling the need to convict them for the pain they face?  It's tough, but it's worth it.

Sex Questions from the Edge

Ok, so here is the second set of questions I was given last week at our questions night.  There were lots of questions about sex.  Lots.  Some of them I can answer on here, some I need to answer in person.  Now, I know that you probably are not going to be willing to ask me some of them in person, so here is the next best thing.  You can email me a question if you want, and I will personally email you back (jason@sccconnect.net).  Yeah, I will know it is from you.  If you are worried about that, set up an email address without your name in it, and send it through that.  Or, you can write your question on paper, put it in an envelope, give it to your small group leader, tell them to give it to me without telling me who it's from.  I'll write an answer and give it back to them in an envelope.  They know who its from, but not the question.  I'll know the question, but not who it's from. 

Okay, enough of the secret spy stuff, let's get rolling...

1. "I haven't had sex yet, but there are people in the high school I know who have.  Is there a way for them to start over?  Is so, what is a Bible verse to prove to them they can become pure again?" - Excellent question, and I love your care and love for your friends!  Yeah, they can totally start over.  That's what Jesus is all about, forgiveness and fresh starts.  1 John 1:9 says "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."  That means no matter what we have done, if we admit to God that we done the wrong things and want His forgiveness, not only does He forgive us, but He makes us pure again.  We will still have the memories and other things to deal with, but He does make us pure in His eyes.  Then there is the story in the Bible of the lady who was caught having sex with a guy she wasn't married to.  Jesus tells her that He doesn't condemn her, and that she should go and not do that any more in John 8:11.  The big point there is once we accept God's forgiveness, we have to change how we live our lives, and what we do.  Keep encouraging your friend that there is forgiveness, hope, and love if they will begin to trust God with all of these things.

2. "Why do they tell us to wait till marriage to have sex when you can still get STD's, marriage or no marriage?" - I'm not sure who the "they" is in this question, but I can tell you why I tell you to wait.  It has little to do with STD's.  They are serious, and bad, but there are much more common, and worse things to deal with when you have sex outside of marriage (broken hearts, destroyed relationships, guilt, and more).  If you only have sex with your husband/wife, and they only have sex with you, then you won't get an STD.  If one of you fools around, either before or during marriage, then you are both at risk.  The STD idea is to be a virgin, and marry another person who is a virgin.  That is the STD prevention that you are talking about.  But I don't think that is the biggest reason to hold onto your virginity.  It's a big one, but not the biggest one.

3. "Do you know if going past 3rd base at 13 is okay, because she is hot." - Dude, I'm sorry, but no, it's not okay.  Sex isn't about what the other person looks like.  I know you've been told 100 times a day for the last 10 years it is, but you've been lied to.  It's not.  It never has been, and it never will be.  When we turn sex into simply about how hot someone is, we end up really messed up emotionally, physically, and spiritually.  It breaks us.  It's like using dynamite to unclog your toilet.  It will work for a minute, but the mess afterwards is HUGE.  Okay, maybe that's a gross example, but you get the point.  God's plan for sex is really great, and it's supposed to be a powerful thing.  But when we mess around outside of His boundaries, we always pay for it.  I don't even have to address the age part of the question, because sex is about marriage, love (like you read about in 1 Corinthians 13:4,5), and commitment, which are not what the average 13 year old is signing up for.  I'm begging you to back up, and reign things in.  You are not going to like where this path takes you.

Okay, I got a couple of other questions, but they are about HOW to have sex, which is really for your parents to explain.  If they won't, then talk to me or your small group leader.  We will try to talk about it as painlessly as we can.  There were some other questions about sex that are specific to guys or girls, and I'm not sure I should answer them here either.  BUT, like I wrote about at the intro, I am very willing to answer them.  I just need to know who to get the answers back to.  Trust me, I will NOT embarrass you if you ask me a tough question.  I promise.  Give it a shot!

I'll post some more questions about hurting ourselves, friendships, and more tomorrow.  Feel free to send me more questions if you have them too.

Dating Questions from the Edge

Last Wednesday we did a "Questions Night" where everyone could ask whatever questions they wanted.  Since we had just finished a series on dating, we had a lot of dating and sex questions.  I thought I'd quickly answer some here.

1. "What should I say to someone who wants to go out with me and I can't because my mom and dad say I can't?" - Don't lie to them.  If you are not interested in them, the best way to handle it is to just tell them that you really like them as a friend (if that's true) and you are not interested in dating them.  If you do like them, explain to them that you like them, but that you are not allowed to date.  Ok, I know both of these answers are tough, and require a ton of guts to be honest about.  But, being honest is always the least painful way to handle these relationship issues.  It's worth it to shoot straight with someone.

2. "What do you do when he calls his friend asking for another girls number?" - I assume you mean your boyfriend did this behind your back.  Simply ask him why.  There may be a good reason for it.  Homework info, getting the number for a friend, or some other reason.  Or maybe not.  Let him have a chance to explain, and watch to see if he's being honest.  If you doubt him, talk to him about it.  You have to be up front and honest about this stuff.

3.  "When you want to break up with someone, how?" - Great question!  Be honest with them, and try to be as kind as you can. Don't lie to soften the pain, and don't be mean to get even.  Just tell them the truth.  Often, if you write it out first, and re-read it, you can figure out the best way to tell them.  You need to tell them in person, and at a time where they don't have to deal with during class.  Tell them so they have a chance to deal with it outside of school.

4. "Why do kids always say different stuff when they are not allowed to date?" - Often, it's just because they are embarrassed because they can't.  Their friends have put some stupid pressure on them that they are "supposed" to be dating, and they can't, so they feel insecure.  So, they make up stories about why they aren't dating to try and cover it up.  First off, there is no age at which you are "supposed" to date.  That's crazy!  And secondly, there is nothing wrong with telling someone you are not allowed to.  You aren't allowed to drive yet either, and that's no big deal.  Anyone who teases you about is way immature, and their opinion isn't worth getting worked up over.

5. "Why do guys and girls only go out with people if they're hot?" - We've been taught that this is what matters, and that it makes us more important if we have a hot boyfriend or girlfriend.  Honestly, it doesn't mean anything.  Just look at all of the attractive people who date someone just because they have money.  That's not about love, or about how great the person is.  The hot person is with the other one just to get their money.  It's no big deal what other people think your boyfriend or girlfriend look like.  Friendship matters more than anything.

6. "I think God is not real because every time I ask a girl out they say "no" or "you're gross".  Please explain to me how that happens." - Man, I'm sorry.  This honestly has much less to do with whether or not God is real, and more about the girls you are asking out.  How are you picking who to ask?  Are they good friends first, or are you picking them because of their looks, reputation, or what?  If you are asking out girls who are good friends, then ask them why they said no.  Sometimes we get turned down because of simple things we can change, sometimes its just the other person doesn't feel about us the way we feel about them.  EVERY guy has been there, man.  I promise.  God's plan for you goes way past whether or not you can get a date in middle school.  He loves you, and has created you to be an amazing man who accomplishes great things if you follow Him.  Don't give up on Him, He will never give up on you.  I promise.

7.  "What do you do if a girl asks you to come over to her house?  Do you have sex with her or just hang out?  I don't know what to do." - Whew, man, this is a tough one.  Did the girl ask you to come over when her parents weren't there?  Is this a girl you've known long?  Is this a friend, or what?  There is nothing wrong with hanging out at a girl's house, with some basic guidelines.  Do your parents know where you are going, and who is going to be there?  Are her parents home and aware you are coming over?  What are the plans when you show up?  Why do you want to go?  Listen man, I know this sort of stuff is hard to figure out, but the Bible talks about this some.  Proverbs chapters 5 and 7 talk about hooking up with someone, and what an incredible price you end up paying for it.  My advice is if you are in doubt about what is going to go on while you're there, or about who will or won't be there, then DON'T GO!  If you find yourself tempted to lie about the situation, then DON'T GO!  It's super risky with huge consequences.  God's plan for you is way better than this.

Seven Things That Drive God Crazy

Jesus lets us see inside the mind of God with a list of seven things about religious people that drive Him nuts.  Reading through the end of Matthew 23, here's what He tells us:

1. (vs. 15) Convincing people to faithfully follow man made rules.  They were passionate and sincere in their attempts to win converts.  It was a beautiful job they did.  They just won them to their OWN beliefs, not to following God.  Are we winning people to our church, or to Jesus?

2. (vs. 16-22) Missing the point.  They made up a bunch of guidelines for people to follow in how they proved their sincerity, but then missed the whole idea entirely.  They set up rules for how to promise to make sure people knew you were serious (ex. "I swear on my dead mother's grave" trumps "I swear that it's true").  But they had forgotten the whole thing was about speaking truth because God tells us to.  Do the paths to Christian success that we create actually walk people away from trusting God Himself?

3. (vs. 23,24) They worried about money over justice.  They tithed to God what was important to them, their stuff.  They did it brilliantly.  But they didn't help those in the world around them.  Jesus says that justice, mercy, and faithfulness are more important matters of the law than their money, possessions, and how much they were giving to the church.  With today's economy, are we more worried about stewarding the stuff in our hands than we are about helping the hurting around us?

4. (vs. 25,26) They focused on themselves, their image, their respectability, and how they were seen by others.  They ignored the issues of greed and self-indulgence, and worked very hard, and very effectively, to make other people respect them and be impressed with how good they were.  Do we admit that we have issues with greed?  What about how we spend our thought life?  How much of it is focused on us, and how much of it is focused on God and others?

5. (vs. 27,28) They hid their sins.  Inside, they were full of wickedness and hypocrisy, never letting anyone know how broken and hurting they were inside.  They spent their energy on what other people thought of them.  They didn't allow anyone in to see what they were really struggling with.  Do we create a world around us where other people can be honest about their hurts and fears?  Do our words and actions tell our friends and families that they are better off keeping their secrets secret?

6. (vs. 29-31) They denied the past.  They knew that their families and leaders had killed off God's people.  They could see in hindsight that disobedience had cost their leaders everything.  But they distanced themselves from it, without ever stopping to learn from it.  They refused to acknowledge that they were on the same path, committing the same mistakes.  They would shortly after this kill Jesus Himself.  What is in our heritage, our past, that is destroying us and we are afraid to admit to or confront?  What sins and destructive habits are going on in us that we point out in others, but are afraid to own in our own lives?  What will it take for us to admit them, and change the path we are on?

7. (vs. 33-39) They refused God's help when it came to them.  God sent person after person, convicted their hearts, showed them the truth, and they refused to have any of it.  God offered them protection, they chose to stand on their own in the cold.  It cost them everything.  What are we refusing to hear God on today?  What is that one thing He is calling out of us that we are battling Him on?  What will it cost us?

Questioning God

It's interesting reading through Matthew 10 and 11 how Jesus responds to people. He warns His disciples that people are going to turn against their own family because of people questioning who He is. He tells them they need to be ready to abandon everything they rely on in order to faithfully follow Jesus.

Then John the Baptist, Jesus' own cousin, who grew up with Him, and baptized Him, questions Jesus. John hears what Jesus is saying, and he begins to wonder if he has been wrong somehow. Jesus offers John encouraging proof, and tells him to be faithful and not to stumble over what he hears Jesus saying.

Then Jesus gets on the people listening to Him and tells them they are like children who can't be made happy. They complain that John was too serious, and Jesus partied too much. Their questions lead to Jesus' anger.

So, is Jesus okay with us doubting and questioning Him or not?

Yes.

And no.

He doesn't want our questions when they come from a desire to hold onto our lives, and He is calling us to let them go. When we are asking out of selfish reasons, we're plainly in the wrong.

When we question Him because we want to know God better, and need to understand more of what He is all about, Jesus welcomes those questions.

Now, when we ask selfish or fearful questions, Jesus still stands by us and shows us love. But He wants us to move on. He calls us out of the self-centered thoughts we are in.

What questions do you have for God today?

Unanswered Questions #5

At the Edge, we did a two part questions night. I'm going to use this space to answer some of the questions we didn't get to that night.

Question: "What do you think Heaven is like?"

Answer: I've got to talk a little about what it isn't before we get to what it might be. If I haven't already confused you with that line, then let's jump in and see where this goes...

Okay, heaven is not a place where we sit on clouds, play harps, and have wings. All of that is stuff people have made up over the years, and you won't find any of it in the Bible. None of it. Period. Drop that boring idea right now.

It's also not streets of gold and mansions for everyone. You hear that one in church all the time, but it's not Biblical. Those pictures come out of the end of the book of Revelation mostly. In Revelation 21. It's a picture of the new city of Jerusalem. But it's all symbolic. It's not a real description, and alot of people don't even think it's a description of a city, but just of God's people. But for sure, it's not heaven. So we can let that whole thing go.

So what is heaven? Not much is said about it honestly. We know who is there. God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and everyone who wants to follow them and worship them. We know that when we are there, the distance between us and Jesus is way less, and our ability to be with Him, to know Him, to be loved by Him is way easier. We have some pictures of angels worshiping God. But it's primarily about who we will be with, more than what the place is like.

I think that's on purpose by God. He didn't leave it out accidentally. He wants us to focus on Him and loving Him. That's what we are created for, that is when we are at our best, and that is what Heaven is all about.

What about the "heaven is boring" idea. I don't buy that at all. The more I follow Jesus, the more I obey, the more I realize what a risk taking, amazing God He is. To be closer to Him can't be boring, it will be full of adventure, passion, creativity, and excitement. So I don't know what heaven looks like, but I can promise it won't be boring. It's just not possible. Why would God make the place around Him boring?

I hope that helps a little. Fire back any more questions you want to ask specifically about heaven, and we can discuss it some more.

Unanswered Questions #4

At the Edge, we did a two part questions night. I'm going to use this space to answer some of the questions we didn't get to that night.

Question: "How do you know that Christianity is the correct religion?"

Answer: Another way people often ask this question is how do we know that Jesus is really the only way to God? What about Buddhism, Hinduism, Islam, Scientology, Wicca, etc.?

It's tough, because Christians come off as really obnoxious and narrow minded when we discuss this issue. Most of the other religions, except for Islam, say you can believe almost anything as long as you really believe it. Islam says that their way is the only way as well, but that's another issue. So, how do we know Christianity is right?

It depends on what you mean by "know". If you're talking about "scientific proof", there isn't a foolproof way to show it. Religion is based on faith, and following Jesus is based on faith. So, what do we know in this discussion?

Jesus was a real person. Some people have tried to prove He never existed, but we have way too much historical proof that He did. We have written records of what He said and did that are reliable. So, Jesus claims that He is the only way to heaven and to God. (John 14:6 and other places). We see what Jesus taught, the question is, was He telling the truth or was He lying.

That's where the faith comes in. We have to decide if He is really God or not. But even this isn't a blind faith. You can see Jesus at work in your friends life, or in my life. Does what we say and do add up? You can talk to Him yourself, and He will answer. He shows Himself to us in our lives each day if we look for it.

You see, the real difference between following Jesus and all of the other stuff is Jesus is the only God who comes for us. All the other religions tell us how to get to God. Jesus says He came, and still shows up today, for us. It's a great question. Keep looking and seeking in your own life. He will show you what is true.

Unanswered Questions #3

At the Edge, we did part one of a two part questions night this past Tuesday. I'm going to use this space to answer some of the questions we didn't get to that night.

Question: "How do I have a casual conversation about Jesus without saying something awkward like "Are you a Christian?" that's totally awkward, don't give that as an answer."

Answer: This is a really well thought out question! Okay, clearly we all agree that going up to a friend or a stranger and jumping into a conversation about faith and Jesus can be awkward, and usually is a complete turn off to everyone involved. I don't encourage people to do that outside of God very directly telling them to do it, and that RARELY EVER happens.

So, if we are supposed to share our faith with other people, how do we do it without being fake and pushy? There are a couple of pieces to this. First, do you believe what you know about Jesus is good news? Really, do you believe it's great news, or do you think it's okay and you're going through the motions to make someone (parents, friends, grandparents, small group leader, etc.) happy? You see, if you aren't really convinced in your heart that what Jesus has done for us is great news, you can't share that with someone else and have them see that it's good news. So, do you really believe that God saving you is an amazing thing? If not, then you have to start there, in your own life, before you ever go talking to your friends. I'm not saying you have to have a bunch of answers or anything, just when you think about what Jesus has done for you, does it make you grateful to Him?

Once you've gotten this one down, then you need to look at your life you're living. Are you living a life that is different from people who don't follow Jesus? If your life looks like everyone else's life in the things you do, the jokes you tell, the language you use, the way you treat other people, the mean things you do and say, how you treat your parents, etc. then that's gonna be a problem. If your life matches everyone else, then Jesus isn't really in charge of your life, and you aren't yet free of all of the junk around you. Again, you don't have to be perfect, but are you heading in His direction, or are you following along with everyone else? If your life looks the same as everyone else's, there's nothing for you to offer other people.

Okay, so now you have thought it out, and are convinced that Jesus' saving you is really good news. You're committed to trying to live life His way, with all of your mistakes and blunders, you are moving in His direction. Now what? You pray for your friends, that God will work in their lives, and that if He wants you to speak to them, He will open up a spot that is natural. He can do it, when you are following Him. You'll be playing Xbox, or going to Ritters or something, and your friend will talk about how hard life is, or how hurt they are at how their boyfriend/girlfriend is treating them, or how their family life stinks, and you can talk about the difference Jesus makes when you face that stuff. If God is working in them, He will lead to where you can talk about how much Jesus loves them, how He died for them, how He came back to life for them, and how things can be better if they follow Him. It may sound crazy, but it really can go like that.

Hope that helps some!

Unanswered Questions #2

This Question is from our Senior High Questions night on March 28, 2010. It's a great one.

QUESTION: "If we found out about a good friend or classmate having sex or things close to it, does this make our opinion of them change? Should it?"

Great question! The Bible is pretty clear that we are to be forgiving and full of grace for other people just like God is towards us. He forgives us for everything we ever do that is wrong, and expects us to forgive just like He does. So clearly, we can't hold a grudge or look at someone in a arrogant way because of things they are doing wrong.

How if affects your opinion of them depends on a few things. Is your friend someone who is following Jesus? If they aren't, then they are living by a different set of values than someone who is following Jesus. If your friend is following Jesus, what have they said are their personal values about sex? The Bible is clear about us saving sex for marriage, but does your friend know what the Bible teaches? Have they understood it for themselves? Have they previously decided that they were going to save sex for marriage and now they are changing their plans?

All of this plays into how we show them love and help. You need to be involved in your friends life, and you need to point them towards Jesus and His truth as much as you can. But it's not your job to convict them of what they are doing wrong. God will work on that, and they will listen or not based on their own heart. You need to pray with them and for them, you need to offer them grace, and you need to speak the truth to them, but do it in love. That's a tall order. It means you will need to be praying for wisdom, grace, courage, and mercy a lot. You'll probably need someone else to help you love them and care for them as well. It's tough to face these things alone.

Will it cause you to lose trust in them? Possibly. And that may be a deserved result. If they are clear about what God says, and have decided to pursue this relationship anyway, they are going to push God away in the process. They may not be as trustworthy or close to you as they would be if they made the decision to follow Jesus' direction on all of this. So it will definitely affect your relationship, and it may get rocky because of all of this.

So, be patient. Pray like crazy. All big changes begin with prayer. Love them AND speak truth to them at the same time. Talk it out with someone you trust. It's worth it.

Unanswered Questions #1

At the Edge, we did part one of a two part questions night this past Tuesday. I'm going to use this space to answer some of the questions we didn't get to that night.

Question: "Won't it be boring when God recreates the world and you live forever?"

Answer: That is an amazing and awesome question! I totally get why you're asking this question. When we think of hanging out with God, we start with what we believe about God. It all starts with the world around us. We look at people, and we notice that the older people get, the more boring they seem to be. If you're 13 years old, people who are 16 are cool, some people in their 20's know how to have fun, maybe one or two people in their 30's still remember having fun, and from 40 years old and up, people just seem to work, worry, and slowly bore themselves to death. If that's the case, and God is the oldest being ever, he must be more boring than listening to Ross' made up stories about his make believe girlfriends. I get that understanding. I really do.

BUT, God isn't boring. That is key to understand. Think about it this way. Picture the coolest art you can (a painting, a video, a song, etc.) The person who made that art has way more inside of them than that one song, video, etc. They are way more creative than the amazing thing they made.

Ok, now think about the most exciting, fun, incredible person you know or that you can dream of. Who made them? Obviously, God did! If He can make someone like that, how much MORE creative, exciting, and fun must He be?! He's freaking amazing! And we have the opportunity to hang out with Him, to get to know Him, even to become more like Him forever! That's the cool part about Heaven. It's not all clouds and harps (I don't even like harp music). It's all about Him, being around Him, having Him teach us how to live and exist. It'll be amazing.

So, no, forever with God won't be boring. This life is like the time you spend waiting in line at Kings Island. You're with friends, you've got a reason to be in line, and the time matters. But Heaven, that's like riding the Diamondback after waiting in line for a while; it's exciting, heart racing, and makes you want to do it again.

Hope that helps.